Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
