dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
