apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
