she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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