I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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