Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
