Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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