you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
