we have officially lost it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Shitshow foam night was such a success
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
