I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
