i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
