I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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