i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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