The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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