I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
