There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think your dad took our porno
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
