It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
