Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
