Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
