I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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