Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
