I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
