In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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