Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
