A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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