I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
