I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
