I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
