So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
