Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
