I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
