Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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