My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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