So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
