Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize