I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
its liver damage thursday
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize