She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You pole danced in your parka.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
