The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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