you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
