Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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