Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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