He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
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