Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
