The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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