either way he was missing a nipple.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
