The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
