now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize