Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wish you could order shots online.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
