I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
