Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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