I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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