So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
