Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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