And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
