Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
