The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
