He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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