I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
