VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
