I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize