he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
