it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
