i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
