put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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