This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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