their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
