He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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