They should really pass out barf bags in church
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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