so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
