I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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