Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
