Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
